Slate’s music critic, Jody Rosen, isn’t a big fan of The Decemberists. I, too, share Rosen’s distaste for the most pretentious little Lord Fauntleroy in all of corporate subsidized nerd folk in one Colin Meloy. His reedy voice – embarrassingly overwrought lyrics notwithstanding – is of a timbre my ears find repugnant. When I dislike something with as much enthusiasm as I dislike The Decemberists, it often clouds my ability to understand how anyone could not find it as loathsome as I do. So, when I happen upon someone with a like-minded viewpoint, I tend to revel in the mutual disgust. Rosen’s piece today lists the top eight most pretentious lyrics on The Decemberist’s new record, The Hazards of Love. Having avoided the new record at all costs, I can’t speak to the level of pretension inherent to Meloy’s latest set of pedantic poetry, but based on Meloy’s past flowery indulgences, I’d imagine Rosen had a hard time whittling the list down to only eight.
4. From “The Abduction of Margaret”
All a’gallop with Margaret slung rude ‘cross withers
Having clamped her innocent fingers in fetters
This villain must calculate crossing the wild river!
For some reason this make feel like Meloy deserves a cock punch. Just obnoxiously annoying. Imagine how unbelievably unfun it must be to hang out with this guy as he slurps mead from a pewter chalice and recites Chaucer. In
Old Middle English.