Country music legend Dolly Parton has sidelined her upcoming US tour because of back problems caused by her enormous breasts, which is amusing news in and of itself, but it’s her official statement that busts out the gold: “You try wagging these puppies around a while and see if you don’t have back problems.” Point taken. Her doctors say she and her breasts (nicknamed “shock” and “awe”, respectively) will be good as new in a few weeks, so all of her tour dates should be rescheduled.